Posts Tagged ‘Cooperation’

One of the most important propositions, which underlie the entire idea of cooperation, is the ability to participate in the give and take of life. To achieve a satisfying marriage of equality and cooperation, which in turn will lead to felicity and lifelong happiness, it is necessary for you to give in—TO REFUSE TO FIGHT- and to GO ALONG WITH YOUR MATE- out of strength and confidence and not out of weakness. By taking the position and keeping to it, you can change, improve, and save your marriage. Your stubbornness, being always “right,” and demanding your own way, and the like will doom your marriage to unhappiness.

What is the consequence of being a “good student?” Is it to be a leader, to contribute, or is it simply to have glory? Who benefits from such a good student? Do parents feel successful because their child makes good grades compare to other children. It may be time we change. If a student knows more, is it for his or her glory or could we make it for the greater service of others. Too often, we want our kids to make good grades to increase our status as parents and for them to be better than other students and this, in our competitive society, is almost pathological. If I am better then I am higher, and I look down on you. When do we emphasize that school is an opportunity to learn how to give back, to provide a greater service to others? School is to learn so we can contribute so society not to be better than others.

What is the consequence of our ability grouping? Gifted Classes? Are we raising a bunch of intellectual snobs and teaching our children how not to cooperate with each other?

The honor student is most vulnerable because she basis her whole existence on her intellectual and academic superiority and if she ever comes into a situation where she can’t be the best she may collapse. Good students are not good because they want to be good but because they want to be better. Schools could be places where we teach our children to cooperate and contribute instead of learning how to compete and discourage. Schools could enhance a students belonging instead of pitting student against student, teacher against students, and parents against children. It would require a cooperative learning atmosphere where every one has a place.

What to Do?

If Mother finds thing belonging to Grace out of place, she may pick them up and put them away—not for the girls, but for herself, because they are in her way. However, she alone knows where they are, since she picked them up. Since Grace did not put her belongings away, how can she know where they are? Mother remains firm about this, although friendly. This is not punishment. The logical result of not putting something away is that one doesn’t know where it is. The pen and paper disappear. The Ipod likewise. Since snack dishes, coke cans, and glasses aren’t put away, there can be no snacks in the family room. All of these actions are done with cheerfulness and without rancor, and without the usual stream of words. In no way must these actions appear as punishment or retaliation. Grace may be disorderly, as she likes—in her own room. Mother need not concern herself about the disorder Grace creates in her own room, but she may allow her to experience the consequence. Instead of feeling defeated because she can’t “make” Grace be tidy, she can refuse to cooperate in doing laundry left on the floor or cleaning up as long as the room is in shambles. Grace may soon be fed up, especially when socks get lost or blouses can’t be found. In order to avoid overwhelming discouragement over disorder, Mother may offer to help clean the room once a week if Grace wants her help. Gradually, as Grace discovers that the disorder does not upset Mother and she refuses to make an interesting game of “who wins?” She may decide that order is comfortable. If her disorder in the rest of the house results in the disappearance of items belonging to her, she may be more careful to put them away.

Page 98-99, Rudolf Dreikurs, Children: the Challenge