“Whatever goes on between two people is reciprocal and promoted by both, although it may look as if one of them started the motion hence is responsible for the action.” R. Dreikurs

1. Needing to be Right
a. Finding out whose view is more “valid” or “accurate”.
b. Leads to endless “objectivity” battles
c. Fuels the psychological violence of self-righteous indignation.

2. Controlling Your partner
a. Can be direct or indirect such as using one’s “sensitivity” such as tears (water power)
b. Humans do not like being controlled.

3. Unbridled Self-Expression
a. “I have the right and need to share my feelings with you –and you will listen.
b. Idea that all sharing is authentic and will increase closeness. Not true.
c. Rarely engenders generosity in other.

4.Retaliation
a. Perverse justice: “offending from the victims position.
b. Getting even, “you will suffer like I suffer”.

5. Withdrawal
a. Differs from responsible distance taking.
b. Another form of a fight—engaged or disengaged same end of the stick.
c. Form of punishment-I will teach you a lesson.

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