If you read a self-help book, study the Bible, or go to therapy but don’t practice, it will not help. Only practicing what you are learning will change occur. The highest form of change is practicing what you are learning.
The Buddha said, “If someone is standing on one shore and wants to go to the other shore, he has to either use a boat or swim across. He can not just pray, “Oh, other shore, please come over here for me to step across!” To a Buddhist, praying without practicing is not real prayer.
“You cannot solve your problems by taking psychoactive substances that impair your mind and the expression of your spirit. From illegal drugs to psychiatric medications, drugs suppress and distort our real thoughts/emotions and should be avoided, especially in time of suffering and fear when we need to know what we are thinking to control our actions.
Five Losing Strategies:
“Whatever goes on between two people is reciprocal and promoted by both, although it may look as if one of them started the motion hence is responsible for the action.” R. Dreikurs
1. Needing to be right
a. Finding out whose view is more “valid” or “accurate”.
b. Leads to endless “objectivity” battles
c. Fuels the psychological violence of seld-righteous indignation.
2. Controlling your partner
a. Can be direct or indirect such as using one’s “sensitivity” such as tears (water power)
b. Humans do not like being controlled.
3. Unbridled Self-Expression
a. “I have the right and need to share my feelings with you- and you will listen.
b. Idea that all sharing is authentic and will increase closeness. Not true.
c. Rarely stimulates generosity in other
4. Retaliation
a. Perverse justice: “Offering from the victims position”
b. Getting even, “you will suffer like I suffer”.
5. Withdrawal
a. Differs from responsible distance taking.