What to Do?
If Mother finds thing belonging to Grace out of place, she may pick them up and put them away—not for the girls, but for herself, because they are in her way. However, she alone knows where they are, since she picked them up. Since Grace did not put her belongings away, how can she know where they are? Mother refrains firm about this, although friendly. This is not punishment. The logical result of not putting something away is that one doesn't know where it is. The pen and paper disappear. The Ipod likewise. Since snack, dishes, coke cans, and glasses aren't put away, there can be no snacks in the family room. All these actions are done with cheerfulness and without rancor, and without the usual stream of words. In no way must these actions appear as punishment or retaliation. Grace may be disorderly, as she likes—in her own room. Mother need not concern herself about the disorder Grace creates in her own room, but she may allow her to experience the consequence. Instead of feeling defeated because she can't "make" Grace be tidy, she can refuse to cooperate in doing laundry left on the floor or cleaning up as long as the room is in shambles. Grace may, soon be fed up, especially when socks get lost, or blouses can't be found. In order to avoid overwhelming
discouragement over disorder, Mother may offer to help clean the room once a week if Grace wants her help; Gradually, as Grace discovers that the disorder does not upset Mother and she refuses to make an interesting game of "who wins?" She may decide that order is comfortable. If her disorder in the rest of the house results in the disappearance of items belonging to her, she may be more careful to put them away.
Page 98-99, Rudolf Dreikurs, Children: the Challenge