Relationship Failure
Four Horseman of Marital Meltdown
1) Criticism
Attacking someone’s personality of character. Learn to make a complaint and not criticize
2) Contempt
The intent to insult and psychologically abuse your partner. With your words and body language, giving insults towards your partner’s sense of self. Fueling the action is negative thoughts, and the message gets across in a direct or subtle fashion, along with the criticism.
3) Defensiveness
Hit with insults natural reaction is to defend self. Yet this tends to escalate the conflict and does not resolve anything. Making excuses. Denying responsibility, disagreeing reading. Cross complaining, repeating yourself, and body language.
4) Stonewalling
Person removes self, emotionally detaches. And withdraws. This stage hard to heal the relationship.
Habitual stonewalling and failed repair attempts. Relationship becomes a cycle of discord and negativity that is hard to break.
Relationships Meltdown:
1) CRITICISM:
Even constructive criticism
2) CONTEMPT:
(BODY LANGUAGE, EYE ROLLING) SARCASM, MOCKERY, BLAMING
3) DEFENSIVENESS:
Person attacking does not back down or apologize because this is another way of blaming the other person
4) STONEWALLING: Looks away, down. Without uttering a sound. Acts as if she/he could fare less, final step in the negative spiral, repair attempts fail because of emotional flooding
5) FLOODING:
Individual’s negativity, criticism, contempt, or defensiveness is so overwhelming and sudden, leaves other feeling shell-shocked, habitual harsh startups
6) FAILED REPAIR
Failed to deescalate the tension. “Let’s take a break,” pause and exit line does not work, it creates a negative sentiment override
7) BAD MEMORIES:
Rewrites view of the history of the relationship, and creates negative script
Finally
- See relationship problems as severe
- Talking seems useless. Solve problems on your own
- Relationship becomes parallel
- Isolation sets in
