Some Obstacles to use of More Effective Parent Techniques

Dr. Frank Walton

1.   The martyr wishes to put a halo on her (his) head by being all things to all people. Stimulates dependency in children and perhaps in husband. Undermines efforts of spouse to use more respectful parenting techniques. Wishes to collect injustices to heighten sense of moral superiority. It is important to have too much to do.

2.   Parenting techniques get caught up in fight between parents. (Issue is not truly which technique is better, but rather who will win). Competition with present spouse for most favored status with child.

3.   Competition with ex-spouse for most favored status with child (children).

4.   Divorced parent views her/himself as depriving children of other parent. Attempts to make it up to children.

5.   Controller. Parent’s view of life leads him/her to overemphasize the need to guard against danger of some sort. Often guards against some danger he experienced as a child. (physical danger, alcohol or drug abuse, sexual misconduct)

6.   Parent gives in too easily because of overemphasis upon guarding against dishonesty.

7.   Parent senses self as failure in some area and is absolutely determined not to let it happen to his/her children.

8.   The please-helper. The person who needs to be liked feels required to please everyone all the time. Tends to provide too much service and does not have the courage to say no.


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