Posts Tagged ‘therapy’

If you read a self-help book, study the Bible, or go to therapy but don’t practice, it will not help. Only practicing what you are learning will change occur. The highest form of change is practicing what you are learning.

The Buddha said, “If someone is standing on one shore and wants to go to the other shore, he has to either use a boat or swim across. He cannot just pray, ‘Oh, other shore, please come over here for me to step across!’” To a Buddhist, praying without practicing is not real prayer.

He who learns must suffer, and, even in our sleep, pain that cannot forget falls drop by drop upon the heart, and in our own despair, against our will, comes wisdom to us by the awful grace of God.


“We do not suffer from the shock of our trauma but we make out of it just what suits our purposes”

Alfred Adler

I had a very interesting experience last Saturday morning. I was making breakfast at home for Lori and myself. Lori and I have been married for 21 years, and this was shaping up as a typical Saturday morning. A quick breakfast together, followed by an hour or two of household chores. Lori was sitting with her laptop, at the breakfast counter, totally engrossed in working on a holiday show for the students at Alfred Adler Elementary, so the breakfast preparation was left to me. As I was making the eggs, I remembered a work email I had forgotten to send out, and was mildly annoyed with myself over this omission. I then glanced at Lori happily typing away, completely oblivious to anything else other than what she was creating. That is when it happened. Obi Wan would call it “turning to the dark side”. Alfred Adler called it feeling “less than”. My thoughts went, “Why isn’t SHE helping out with breakfast?” “No wonder I forgot that email. I am doing more than my share. ” etc, etc

Within a minute or two, I had talked myself into a very bad place. All too often, when I get myself in this state, I make a sarcastic joke, and damage the most important relationship in my life.

This time was different. I looked again at how happy she was to be doing exactly what she was doing in that moment. I thought about how much she gives of herself to the school, how hard she works, and her passion for giving each student a chance to be involved. Anger??? I no longer recognized the feelings of the previous few minutes.

Alfred Adler spoke of conjunctive versus disjunctive emotions. Those that pull us together, or push us apart. Rudolf Dreikurs said thought and emotions always work in tandem. Thought provides the direction, emotions provide the force of our movements. My thoughts, as evidenced by my self-talk, had provided direction toward some strong disjunctive emotions, and subsequently, just in the nick of time I might add, some strong conjunctive emotions. Our self-talk can induce disjunctive or conjunctive emotions towards ourselves as well.

So as the holidays are upon us, and we are all busily rushing about trying to do all that we do at this time, as you interact with the ones that matter the most to you, as well as your fellow man at the mall, at home, at work; remember the old adage, “guard your thoughts”.

We wish you many happy thoughts, and (the natural consequence) conjunctive emotions,
Greg and Lori DeCosmo

We all have this distorted picture, in our society, where we grow up with this constant fear that we are not good enough, constantly being humiliated, constantly a threat of making mistakes being a failure. In our lifestyles we find an escape from the danger if I can’t please, I am not good enough, if I am the first one I am good enough, if I can make other people do what I want, if I can fight my way through, I am good enough. We find in the lifestyle this pessimism, this doubt, which we try to overcompensate on this vertical plane. So we try to be somebody by trying to be more. Once we free ourselves with the idea that we are good enough as we are, we don’t need this accomplishment to be somebody, then we are free from fear and we see all the energy come forward and we can devote ourselves to the task.

Rudolf Dreikurs

“Since there is no brain pathology to cause what are called mental illnesses, almost all brain drugs prescribed and accompanied by a lot of advertising and doctors support, have a strong placebo effect. This effect is seen when double blind studies are conducted and neither the patient nor the doctor knows which is the placebo and which is the medication. Often the placebo works better than the drug because the placebo can do no harm.

Unhappy people pay thousands of dollars a year for medications that are no more effective than sugar pills. They are also prescribed strong pain medications that are no better than aspirins or over the counter pain pills. Many of these drugs are not only ineffective but some can seriously harm to you.

… Practitioners such as acupuncture professionals, yoga teachers, herbal healers, message therapists and other hands-on practitioners are often very effective because they provide both the relationship and the information—scientific or not—that people want to hear. The close attention and support of people whom you believe in and whom you believe care about you, especially if they touch you, has always had a healing effect.”

William Glasser, M.D., Defining Mental Health as A Public Health Issue

Relationships can be extremely inefficient but effective. Nothing can replace a father’s relationship (one of quality) with his son or daughter; no matter how much success he has accumulated.

Fear is a misjudgment, doubting our ability that we can handle a situation. Courage is the opposite of fear, and a willingness to take action.