Posts Tagged ‘marriage therapy’

Lots of couple’s are in a fight because they have the habit of taking comments from the other personally. Don Miguel Ruiz, one of my favorite authors, has this say in his book:  The Four Agreements Companion Book

Imagine that I said to you “You’re a liar.” if you believe it, your attention gets hooked, and it’s a sign that you really believe what you’re hearing. Just because I said that, I put your attention in a wound that you have. If you control your attention from the inside, you see the wound, and you can use your attention to shift your belief.  In this moment, you can choose to no longer beieve you are a liar; your attention controls the belief, and you are healed.  An hour later, if I come to you and say, “You’re a liar,” you have no reaction anymore, because it is no longer your belief.  But if you get hurt, it’s because you sill have that wound; it’s because you believe me.

So, Ruiz is saying that we get hurt when we already believe the negative statement that the other says about us.   So we must ask ourselves, “Is this statement true?” Am I a _______ (liar)?  If the statement is true we have the power to change that.  If the statement is not true we have the power to believe our own internal truth.  If we train ourselves to evaluate what another says based on our own truth, then we can remove the wound or hurt reaction. 

This type of change takes discipline, confidence, courage, and the willingness to disengage from what others say about us. 

If we don’t take things personally, then an appropriate response to “Your a Liar” would be an exit line, like “I appreciate your letting me know your thoughts.”  Then we can unhook our attention from that opinion, walk away, and believe our own truth.

You cannot deny the power of social networking.

20+ years ago, someone would give you a phone number if they wanted you to contact them.
10 years ago, it became an email address that most would hand out first.
Today, it’s a “friend request” on a social network!

Carter & Evans Marriage and Family Therapy has joined the Facebook community: Carter & Evans on Facebook

We will be using Facebook and our Blog here to keep our clients, friends, and partners updated with news and events for everything from local group meetings to resources for learning more about Adlerian psychology.

We look forward to seeing you!

Carter & Evans Marriage and Family Therapy
Tampa, Florida