Posts Tagged ‘Family Counseling’

There is no medical basis for Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. ADHD is a list of behaviors (that annoy teachers) that does not reflect a real syndrome, underlying disorder, or medical condition. Interventions involving parent education, encouragement, discipline, and making school an interesting place could solve the problem.

Instead, stimulants/amphetamines are used on the children, which does two things. It makes them compulsive and they lack interest in others. This passive child may make the class more orderly and the home quieter but it’s a high price to pay. It does not enhance their performance in school. The child becomes compulsive and is able to perform lower order types of activities but not higher order learning.

The use of stimulates on children, such as Adderall and Ritalin, are addictive and can impair their physical growth, cause serious developmental delays, harm their brains, interfere with their ability to be emotional self reliant, prevents them from being children, and increases the chance of future drug problems (by 20%).

The drugs are used to control the child and take away their personhood. Long-term use can harm the brain (brain shrinkage). The majority of diagnoses come from the school. As of today, I have not heard of any home school children having the ADHD diagnosis.
We are actually medicating them for behaving like children. A teacher or parent who decides to become responsible and provide guidance and leadership to the child can correct the problem.

Check out Peter Breggin, MD, Talk Back to Ritalin and Psychiatric Drug Withdrawal

Check this out about labeling our children, its only a minute.

By Timothy D. Evans and Raymond J. Corsini

Grousing is a common behavior that is highly destructive to relationships. It increases interpersonal conflict and provokes revenge while generating attitudes of resentment and no cooperation. Parents grouse at their children because they believe it will make them more responsible. One or both members of a couple may grouse at each other, convinced they know what is best for their partner. Despite its prevalence, grousing is a discouraging way of interacting. It destroys the potential for developing an encouraging and intimate relationship.

What is grousing? Webster defines grouse as “to grumble or complain.” It is related to the word “grouch.” Roget equates the term with “fret, chafe, frown, crab, or pout.” The usual synonym for grousing is nagging. The phrase, “Get off my back” means to stop grousing.

The initial step in encouragement training is to teach couples, parents, and teachers how their seemingly innocuous behavior irritates and discourages others. Nothing will improve in marriage until one starts working on him- or herself without trying to change the other person (Evans, 1989; Meredith & Evans, 1990). Marriage reconstruction requires the grouser to stop nagging, complaining, arguing, judging, criticizing, punishing, or rewarding (anything that irritates the other person). In short, the grouser needs to shut up and be pleasant.

GROUSING EXERCISE: An especially effective exercise for improving relationships entails the elimination of grousing for 4 consecutive days. After the therapist explains what it means to grouse, the following directions are given to couples or individuals: If you are guilty of grousing, are you willing to stop it for four consecutive days? If so, here is the assignment: You must stop grousing immediately and completely for four consecutive days. If you’ve been attacking, criticizing, yelling, reminding, nagging, threatening, bringing up the past, comparing, or pointing out mistakes, stop it now. This includes all negative behavior, no matter how “nicely” presented or well-intentioned.

Instead of grousing, act “as if” you are a sensible and self-controlled person who has decided to get off your spouse’s back and enjoy their company in spite of their shortcomings. You are not to do anything else other than to avoid grousing at your partner, child, or the person closes to you. After four consecutive days you have the choice of reverting to your old behavior.

You are only to participate in this exercise if you agree to do it for four consecutive days. This means that if you go for three days and grouse, you need to start over. You are not to perform this exercise with the intention of shaping-up the other person. You are changing your behavior because it is the decent and reasonable thing to do.

Assuming you follow through with this experiment, what might happen! There are several possibilities:

1. You will feel better about yourself. After all, who likes to be a prison guard monitoring someone’s behavior?

2. You will look better. Nags look like nags.

3. You will show/generate goodwill. Your mate will have evidence of your intention to improve the marriage.

4. You will become a more encouraging person.

5. You will reduce tension.

Your family will develop a friendly, supportive atmosphere. The Grousing Exercise is one that benefits everyone as both therapists and their clients can encourage themselves and their families. Practicing encouragement via the elimination of grousing is a win-win quality relationship proposal. ‘

REFERENCES

Evans, T. (1989). The Art of Encouragement. Athens, GA: University of Georgia, Center for Continuing Education.

Meredith, C., & Evans, T. (1990). Encouragement in the Family, Individual Psychology, 46, 187-192.

The Family Journal: Counseling and Therapy for Couples and Families ~ Vol. 2, No. 1 (1994) pp. 70

[1] Appeared in: The Family Journal: Counseling and Therapy for Couples and Families ~ Vol. 2, No. 1 (1994) pp. 70

We all have this distorted picture, in our society, where we grow up with this constant fear that we are not good enough, constantly being humiliated, constantly a threat of making mistakes being a failure. In our lifestyles we find an escape from the danger if I can’t please, I am not good enough, if I am the first one I am good enough, if I can make other people do what I want, if I can fight my way through, I am good enough. We find in the lifestyle this pessimism, this doubt, which we try to overcompensate on this vertical plane. So we try to be somebody by trying to be more. Once we free ourselves with the idea that we are good enough as we are, we don’t need this accomplishment to be somebody, then we are free from fear and we see all the energy come forward and we can devote ourselves to the task.

Rudolf Dreikurs

I don’t know who or what put the question, I don’t know when it was put. I don’t remember answering. But at some moment I did answer, “yes” to someone or something. And from that hour I was certain that existence is meaningful and that, therefore, my life, in self-surrender, had a goal.

Taken from Dag Hammarskhold diary which was made into a book, after his death, titled, Markings