Posts Tagged ‘children’

“We overlook the essential fact that the achievements which society rewards are won at the cost of a diminution of personality. Many aspects of life which should have been experienced lie in the lumberrom of dusty memories” C. Jung

“Hell is having worked so hard for success that it corroded your relationship with other people, so that you learned to see them only in terms of what they can do for you. . . Hell is the loneliness of having everything and knowing that it is still not enough.”

Harold Kushner, When All You Ever Wanted Isn’t Enough

1.From birth on, children form beliefs about their self-worth.
2. Praise and encouragement are not the same thing. Praise rewards a child for performed acts (performance base esteem) Encouragement conveys acceptance of a child for the mere fact he or she exist. “When things go poorly you will always have a place” (authenticity). It separates the deed from the doer.
3. The differences between encouragement and pressure are substantial.

Specific ways to encourage young children:

A. Look for strengths.
B. Divide large tasks into smaller, more manageable ones.
C. Provide opportunities for each child to contribute. Give real jobs.
D. Avoid regularly doing for the child what the child can do for herself.
E. Recognize effort and improvement.
F. Demonstrate learning from mistakes. Have the courage to be imperfect!
G. Simply enjoy being with your child as they are.

Your specific applications of encouragement:

1. One of my child’s assets is:
2. One way I can give him a real job is:
3. Other ways to encourage:

“A child needs encouragement like a plant needs water.”
–Rudolf Dreikurs

My thoughts, behaviors, and choices influence my happiness. Life is made up of one-third what I say and do. Another one-third is the choices the people around me make in which I have no control. Hopefully, my wife will continue to choose to be with me. I cannot control her choice. I can decide how I will behave in hopes that she will find me pleasant and interesting, but in the end the choice is hers. The final third, which again I have no control, is what the universe, biology, nature, or what some believe to be God determines. I have no control over a hurricane hitting Tampa or my cat having heart disease. This is biology and nature. I do have a choice in how I want to interpret and related to these specific events—and what I choose to think about these things will have a major impact on my behavior, feelings, and physiology.