Posts Tagged ‘Adlerian psychology’

http://video.foxnews.com/v/2413423896001/powerful-psychiatric-drugs-harmful-to-veterans/

Watch this link.
These cocktails are being served to a lot of people with tragic results.

My guests are wife and husband Geri Carter and Tim Evans, both Adlerian psychologists and family therapists. After celebrating our great empathic therapies conference this past weekend, we spend most of the show talking about the importance of relationship and how to make a good marriage the center of our lives. Podcast: …

http://prn.fm/category/archives/the-dr-peter-breggin-hour/#axzz2SVyRV592

I had a very interesting experience last Saturday morning. I was making breakfast at home for Lori and myself. Lori and I have been married for 21 years, and this was shaping up as a typical Saturday morning. A quick breakfast together, followed by an hour or two of household chores.
Lori was sitting with her laptop, at the breakfast counter, totally engrossed in working on a holiday show for the students at Alfred Adler Elementary, so the breakfast preparation was left to me. As I was making the eggs, I remembered a work email I had forgotten to send out, and was mildly annoyed with myself over this omission. I then glanced at Lori happily typing away, completely oblivious to anything else other than what she was creating.

That is when it happened. Obi Wan would call it “turning to the dark side.” Alfred Adler called it feeling “less than.” My thoughts went, “Why isn’t SHE helping out with breakfast?” “No wonder I forgot that email. I am doing more than my share,” etc, etc. Within a minute or two, I had talked myself into a very bad place. All too often, when I get myself in this state, I make a sarcastic joke, and damage the most important relation- ship in my life.

This time was different. I looked again at how happy she was to be doing exactly what she was doing in that moment. I thought about how much she gives of herself to the school, how hard she works, and her passion for giving each student a chance to be involved. Anger??? I no longer recognized the feelings of the previous few minutes.

Alfred Adler spoke of conjunctive vs disjunctive emotions. Those that pull us together, or push us apart. Rudolf Dreikurs said thought and emotions always work in tandem. Thought provides the direction, emotions provide the force of our move- ments. My thoughts, as evidenced by my self-talk, had pro- vided direction toward some strong disjunctive emotions, and subsequently, just in the nick of time I might add, some strong conjunctive emotions. Our self talk can induce disjunctive or conjunctive emotions towards ourselves as well.

So think back to the hectic times of the holidays behind us, as we were all busily rushing about trying to do all the things that needed to be done. As you move through 2012 and interact with the ones that matter the most to you – as well as your fellow man at home, at work, at the mall – remember the old adage, “guard your thoughts.”

We wish you many happy thoughts and (the natural conse- quence) conjunctive emotions.

1.From birth on, children form beliefs about their self-worth.
2. Praise and encouragement are not the same thing. Praise rewards a child for performed acts (performance base esteem) Encouragement conveys acceptance of a child for the mere fact he or she exist. “When things go poorly you will always have a place” (authenticity). It separates the deed from the doer.
3. The differences between encouragement and pressure are substantial.

Specific ways to encourage young children:

A. Look for strengths.
B. Divide large tasks into smaller, more manageable ones.
C. Provide opportunities for each child to contribute. Give real jobs.
D. Avoid regularly doing for the child what the child can do for herself.
E. Recognize effort and improvement.
F. Demonstrate learning from mistakes. Have the courage to be imperfect!
G. Simply enjoy being with your child as they are.

Your specific applications of encouragement:

1. One of my child’s assets is:
2. One way I can give him a real job is:
3. Other ways to encourage:

“A child needs encouragement like a plant needs water.”
–Rudolf Dreikurs

“We too have the power to choose happiness over righteousness. Righteousness means remembering every time someone hurts us or disappoints us, and never letting them forget it (and—frightening thought—giving them the right remember every time we hurt them or let them down and constantly remind us of it). Happiness means giving people the right to be human, to be weak and selfish and occasionally forgetful, and realizing that we have no alternative to living with imperfect people.

Boston Globe columnist Linda Weltner makes the point in a story she tells. She remembers sitting in a park watching children at play. Two children get into an argument, and one says to the other, “I hate you! I’m never going to play with you again!” For a few minutes, they play separately, and then they are back sharing their toys with each other. Ms. Weltner remarks to another mother, “How do children do that? How do they manage to be so angry with each other one minute, and the best of friends the next?” The other mother answers, “It’s easy. They choose happiness over righteousness”.

The quest for righteousness estranges people each other; the quest for happiness enables them to get past their shortcomings and connect with each other. And strange as it may seem, happiness may be a more authentically religious value than righteousness. “

From:
Harold Kushner, How Good Do WE Have to Be? pp. 108-109

Book available on our website.

“As soon as you become unhappy with your teenager, you tend to stop doing things with him and start doing things to him, things that I will soon describe as the seven deadly habits. As long as you are happy with your teenager, you did more things with him and encouraged him to do more things for himself. The happier you both are, the more you do with each other.” William Glasser, For Parents and Teenagers

Want to learn more about parent-child/teen relationships, getting along with your spouse, understanding your self and other? Check out the conference March 3, 4, 5, at Safety Harbor Resort, Safety Harbor Florida. Brochure on our website, Solving the Life Tasks Together. You do not have to be a professional to attend, only someone interested in improving your relationship with self or others.